Mental health, faith & grief: Remembering Graham Thorpe – by Andrew Ryland

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Please be aware that this article covers themes of suicide.

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The second day of the England versus India Test match at the Oval was designated A Day for Thorpey in honour of Graham Thorpe, who died a year ago at the age of 55. Initiated by his family, this tribute launched a fundraising campaign for Mind, the mental health charity.

The news of Graham Thorpe’s death last year was extremely sad and shocking news for me. He was one of my sporting heroes. I love cricket but I especially loved the way he played cricket. Thorpe combined both style and grit, whilst exuding coolness and calmness in high pressure situations. He was almost certainly England’s best batter of his era.

Double whammy

About a week after he died, his family announced that he had died by suicide, hit by a train, in Surrey. This was the same way my brother Stuart died almost 4 years earlier: same cause of death, same method, same county.

To say it was triggering would be an understatement – I was floored by this news.  It was a double-whammy as I was both grieving for one of my sporting heroes and at the same time reliving the trauma of my brother’s death. Their stories blurred together. It felt, for a moment, as though they were the same person.

Grief never leaves us. It might always not be as raw as in the early days of the death of a loved one, but it’s there in the background, ready to come to the surface at any time, sometimes when you least expect.

I think about Stuart every day. Most days I’m fine, I can carry on with my normal everyday life.  But sometimes, I just break down in tears because I miss him so much. Recently we celebrated my Mum & Dad’s diamond wedding anniversary. It was a joyous occasion yet it was marked by a Stuart-shaped hole.

Mental health & faith

Both Graham and Stuart suffered greatly from mental health issues.  Stuart was a Christian and, according to his autobiography written in 2005, so was Thorpe, who had discovered faith in the aftermath of a difficult divorce in 2001. He took a break from cricket the following year, and after meeting his second wife (a Roman Catholic), found encouragement through her beliefs. He wrote:

“Had you told me several years ago that Graham Thorpe might want to pray, I would have laughed at you. Religion can come to you at any stage of life, but my faith has helped me cope with bad things, and appreciate the good.”

It was reading Thorpe’s autobiography which was the catalyst to lead me on a path back to Christianity, as I wrote about in an earlier blog post.

I’m not sure whether Thorpe continued in his faith or not, but I am absolutely certain of the strength of Stuart’s faith. And this makes me wonder: how can a person of faith take their own life, and why didn’t God prevent them from doing this?

I am no expert in either mental health or theology, but these are my thoughts in response to these questions.

Firstly, faith isn’t a shield from suffering: whether mental or physical, Christians suffer illnesses in the same way everyone does, and many Christians die before their time. I have heard many accounts of miraculous faith healing, from trusted sources I believe, but how and when God chooses to intervene to heal someone is a mystery.

Secondly, God gives us free will: he does not control us. Ultimately, if a person decides to take their own life, Christian or not, God cannot override this decision. I remember a friend of Stuart’s visiting the site of his death and having a vision of Jesus with being him, maybe trying to talk him out of it. She imagined Jesus saying, “If you’re going to do this then I’m doing it with you.”

Turning bad into good

This does not mean we should not pray for each other when we are sick or suffering. In my family prayer is integral, and I can think of many occasions when people we recovered after they have been lifted up in prayer. The glory always goes to God.

And God turns bad situations into good. In Romans 8:28, the apostle Paul writes:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

As I write this, the day after A Day for Thorpey, the fund set up by his family has raised over £140,000 and counting.

The money raised in Thorpe’s name will do an enormous amount of good, supporting people with mental health challenges. And I believe it also offers comfort to his loved ones, knowing Graham’s legacy is doing so much to help others, even in the midst of their grief.

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If you need support with mental health problems then contact Mind

Donate to the Day for Thorpey