The denial & reality of trauma: a tale of two books

A few months ago, Keith Hebden wrote a G+T guest article titled Complicity or challenge? Responding to self-limiting excuses in which he shared insights from the psychologist Alfred Adler. He wrote:

“For Adler it is our goals that determine our limitations and not our past. He argued that it can be tempting to take comfort in the idea that an ‘unreachable’ past dominates our lives. We have no power there.”

Book 1: The Courage to be Disliked

Until Keith’s article, I had not even heard of Alfred Adler, so I bought the best-selling book The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga which is a popularisation of his thinking.  It is a polemical and controversial book, framed as a dialogue between a Philosopher who is explaining Alder’s thinking to a Youth who visits him. 

Some of the chapter headings illustrate why its controversial: ‘Unhappiness is something you choose for yourself’, ‘People fabricate anger’ and ‘People always choose not to change.’  I can imagine some people reading this already getting wound up…

In a chapter titled ‘Trauma does not exist’, the Philosopher says:

‘Adler, in denial of the trauma argument, states the following “No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences – the so-called trauma – but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.”

Not convinced

The inter-play between someone’s social experiences and their personal response is a critical one in discussions about social justice and issues such as homelessness. And similarly to books like Against Empathy or Toxic Charity, there is value in books which challenge  contemporary orthodoxies. But ultimately, whilst The Courage to be Disliked makes some good points about not allowing the past to dictate your future, I was not convinced by it.

Firstly, I believe trauma is real.  Spend time with anyone who has been homeless and you will hear stories of deeply distressing and disturbing crises. I don’t believe that these experiences have to be deterministic of a negative future – they often can be overcome and ‘recovered from’ – but this does not mean the trauma is not real. And to claim that people ‘choose’ to focus on difficult experiences to suit their own purposes is dangerously judgmental.

Secondly, the fictional framing of the book is a real weakness as it does not give authenticity or credibility to its argument. If the teaching was anchored in real life experiences and examples it would be more empathetic, humanising and convincing. But instead I found the fictionalised discussion between Philosopher and Youth detached, theoretical and abstract.

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Book 2: Man’s Search for Meaning

In sharp contrast, afterwards I read Man’s Search for Meaning by another psychologist, Viktor Frankl. As an Austrian Jew, Frankl was incarcerated for 3 years in Nazi concentration camps including Auschwitz and Dachau. His Mother and brother died in the gas chambers, his Father died of starvation and his wife died of typhus.

In the first part of the book, Experiences in a Concentration Camp, Frankl describes the barbaric conditions in which he and his fellow prisoners lived and died.  By anyone’s reckoning, this is a truly traumatic place to be. But even here, Frankl gives countless examples of how choices still existed:

‘The experiences of camp life show that man does have a choice of action. There were enough examples often of a heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome, irritability suppressed. Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions or psychic and physical stress.’

Meaning and hope

At the centre of Frankl’s reflections is the importance of meaning. He shows how even in the worst conditions imaginable, a sense of purpose and hope could literally make the difference between life and death.  He quotes Frederick Nietzsche:

“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how”

Man’s Search for Meaning is an incredibly powerful book. It is a testimony to a hope which emerges from the most unimaginable horror. Rather than dismiss trauma, it shows how meaning and hope can found within, and despite, these experiences. And rather than teach abstract truths, it is rooted in raw experience. As Frankl puts it:

“One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment.”

The space

A few years ago my wife wrote out this quote for me, attributed to Viktor Frankl, which I have always found helpful and have pinned above my desk:

‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.’

No one can live life and avoid suffering and pain. And Frankl shows us that even in the worst possible experiences and places of trauma, a space remains where humans can choose their response and, in doing so, experience growth and freedom.

Trauma is real. And so is hope.

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Buy Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl