‘I need money for a hostel bed’: how do we respond to such appeals?

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For many people living or working in towns and cities, being asked for money is an everyday experience. It can often cause feelings of distress, guilt and confusion – especially at this time of year.

Last week I was on the underground platform at King’s Cross in London and I heard an agitated voice further along the platform. I walked along and saw a man pleading with a group of people who were waiting for the next train:

“Its freezing tonight and you’re ok with me sleeping outside? Put yourself in my shoes, how would you like it?”

Some were giving sympathetic looks, others were ignoring him. But there was a tangible sense of discomfort and awkwardness in everyone.

Common approach

I approached the man, asked his name and shared mine and we shook hands. I asked him about his situation and he explained that he needed £18 to get into a hostel near Euston.

It is a common for people begging to say they need money to secure a hostel bed and I had seen 4 other people using this approach that day alone. But shelters and hostels for homeless people do not operate like this. Night shelters are free and the rent hostels charge is covered by Housing Benefit. There will often be a service charge payable but this is not a nightly charge which dictates entry.

In this case, I knew the hostel in Euston he was talking about very well because I used to be its manager. Talking one to one, I said that I knew this hostel didn’t charge in that way.

It was not easy and he did become very defensive, but it led to a more honest conversation. He admitted that he was already a resident of the hostel and did not require money to get a bed.

Genuine needs

Such conversations, both private (like that one) and public (like this one), are urgently needed about issues of begging and homelessness. Its not an easy conversation to have because people who beg have genuine needs and complex situations and those cautioning against giving money can easily be viewed as mean-spirited or judgmental. 

But we need to talk about what really helps others.

And truthfulness is right at the heart of this discussion because the exchanges between people who beg and potential donors is hardly ever based on truth. All my experience tells me that giving away cash to people based on a false premise does not help people.

Compassionate realism

We need to avoid the unhelpful polarization that easily breaks out between naïve kindness on one hand and harsh cynicism on the other. Neither of these are helpful.

Instead, we need a compassionate realism about the nature of the problems which surround those who beg and honesty and bravery about how best to respond. 

And what ‘love’ looks like in response to someone in need lies at the heart of this matter.

Grace and truth

On the surface, it seems loving to hand over cash because it feels like an act of kindness and generosity. It feels like grace.

But we must recognise how our instinct to show grace can be manipulated. And whilst we should avoid being judgemental, we cannot help people effectively without showing good judgement. Our efforts to show grace must remain connected to truth. 

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And lets always remember, authentic change is possible. I see this every day in my work at Hope into Action – as an example have a watch of this brief video of Andrew’s story:

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So how should we respond to people begging?

These would be my suggestions:

• When someone begs from you, look them in the eye when you respond and speak as confidently as you can.
• If you have time, stop and talk with them. Ask them their first name and share yours.
• If you have the time and money, offer to buy them a cup of tea, or a sandwich or some other food they would like.
• Do some work to find out what drop-in centres, charities or churches are open for homeless or vulnerable people in the area where you live or work. Knowing what is available allows you to ask the person if they know about these and whether they have used them.
• If you are worried about the vulnerability of someone sleeping rough then contact Street Link on 0300 500 0914 to inform them. This is a coordinated phone line to help inform the Outreach teams who work on the streets to help homeless people.

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For more practical pointers: How should we respond to people begging?