It feels like suddenly, everyone is talking about boys and the malign influences they are under. The success of the Netflix drama Adolescence has given the issue global profile and Gareth Southgate’s excellent Dimbleby lecture added to this.
The recent Lost Boys report by the Centre for Social Justice highlights the disparity in outcomes for boys and young men in Britain compared with the progress made by their female peers. It explores the impact of fatherlessness as a significant driver of social problems, declaring “we need strong fathers, mentors, and role models”.
Absent fathers
I’ve been working in supporting homeless people for the last 9 years and last year I took a mini-sabbatical to do some research on the relationship between fatherlessness and homelessness. I’ve been interested in the impact of fathers/father figures ever since setting up a youth charity project 20 years ago, where it was a significant issue for the boys I was supporting.
For so many of these boys, their dads were either absent, abusive, in prison, or had died when they were young. If there was a stepdad involved it was often a source of significant relational tension, conflict and even abuse.
Effect on homelessness
According to the World Family Map report, the UK has one of the highest rates of family breakdown in the developed world. And the impact that this plays in youth homelessness has been consistently recognised in research by agencies like the YMCA and Centrepoint. Homeless Link wrote:
“relationship breakdown between young people and their family or primary caregivers is the leading cause of youth homelessness”
But the research on homelessness often focuses on families and parents in general rather than the specific issue of homeless people’s relationships with their fathers. But if 76% of young men in prison in England and Wales grew up without a father then perhaps we need to look at this specific issue more closely?
The importance of fathers
Taking a primarily qualitative approach, I undertook in-depth interviews with 7 participants from several locations across Essex – 4 experienced professionals and 3 men with lived experience of homelessness.
The interviewees highlighted some specific contributions they believe fathers provide:
- Clear boundaries: they provide distinct expectations about acceptable behaviour
- Role-modelling: they embody how to be a man and how to deal with issues men face
- Affirmation: they provide a distinct form of affirmation that all people need
While mums can also provide these things, all of the interviews showed that the father-son relationship is vitally important for homeless men. They look to, and learn from, their fathers, as someone of the same sex, how to be a man. When this relationship is abusive, absent, distant or non-existent it can leave a very significant gap and a damaging mark on someone’s life. As Rob put it:
“there is a motivational poverty…its like a heart issue…I think that’s where your Dad, your fathering provides…and they have never had that role-model…they have never had that input’.
Anna Machin’s research into positive fathering over 10 years, sums it up as “protection and teaching” saying:
“at their core all dads are focussed on responding successfully to the risks that may negatively affect their child’s chance of survival.”
What can be done
In the homeless charity I lead, Korban, we aim to give our young residents “a healing experience of family”, through a shared meal, relational support and clear boundaries and consequences.
Personally, I am inspired by how the Bible describes God as a “father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5) and how Jesus continually referred to God as ‘Abba’, best translated as Dad. I see part of my role as being a father-figure.
I believe faith-based charities are in a unique position to model something of God’s nature and at the same time a prophetic response to the current fathering crisis in the UK.
Opportunities
For those of us who have children, it starts at home, but there are plenty of opportunities for everyone: in churches, youth clubs, schools, through foster caring, sports clubs, to pass on our skills and life experience and get alongside other men. Whether they have a good father or not, positive male role-models are in short supply.
Let’s listen to the warnings that a TV series like Adolescence give us, respond to the challenge that Sir Gareth Southgate has given and be inspired by our faith, to invest in young men.
It can be costly but if we want to see things change in our nation then it will require an intentional commitment from men everywhere.
Mark Wood is Chief Executive of the Colchester Korban Project which works with young homeless people
The full report with all references and further recommendations can be found on the Korban website. Names changed to protect anonymity.
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I want to agree with everything that is written here, but I note that in recent months I have met a number of Dads who are longing to be good Dads – and in some cases becoming a Dad unexpectedly has been deeply life-changing for good – being prevented from being part of their children’s lives by the mother. I also encounter women who feel that they do not need the child’s father in their lives and feel that they will manage better on their own. In some cases I think this is because their experience of their own fathers or other men in their lives has felt very discouraging. It feels even more complex than this post suggests.
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Hi Mark,
I thought I’d got notifications of comments on but somehow I missed your reply. I think you raise a valid point and I am aware of this happening sometimes which must be really painful and difficult for the dads in these situations. However, I also think there’s a risk this can shift the focus away from men taking responsibility, especially younger fathers. I remember a friend saying how the young men he worked with were really excited about becoming a dad (like a badge of humour), but actually fulfilling the role and the ongoing responsibility was a different thing. However, what you’ve said highlights how important the relationship between a father and mother is; before, during and after the birth of a child. Recognising the impact of fathering and previous experience of men on our lives is vital to helping all of us, male and female, understand, forgive and make progress in this area. There’s a feminist writer called Caitlin Moran who wrote a book in 2023 “What about men?”, who essentially says that the next stage for feminism is to help ensure men do well too! Thanks for commenting Mark.
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